Why Your Brain Won’t Stop Looping (And Why Reassurance, Googling, and “Positive Thinking” Make OCD & Anxiety Worse)
If you live with anxiety or OCD, you may already know something deeply frustrating:
You understand that your fears don’t make sense, yet your body feels like it’s in danger anyway.
You know your worries are irrational.
You know you’ve checked enough.
You know you’ve reassured yourself a hundred times.
And still:
Your chest is tight
Your heart races
Your stomach churns
Your thoughts loop
Your nervous system won’t shut off
Anxiety and OCD can feel terrifying, lonely, and exhausting. They hijack your attention, drain your energy, and slowly take over your life…your work, relationships, family time, and ability to enjoy anything fully.
People often say:
“I feel like I’m constantly on edge.”
“I can’t calm down no matter what I do.”
“My body feels like something awful is about to happen.”
“I’m trapped in my own mind.”
If this is you, you’re not broken and you’re not failing at coping.
You’re stuck in a system that rewards the very behaviors you’ve been using to feel better.
Anxiety Is Not Just in Your Head, It’s in Your Nervous System.
One of the most painful aspects of anxiety and OCD is the disconnect between logic and experience.
You know:
The thought is silly
The fear is exaggerated
You’ve been safe before
But your body doesn’t listen.
That’s because anxiety is not primarily a thinking problem, it’s a nervous system problem.
When anxiety is active, your nervous system is stuck in fight-or-flight, as if you’re in constant danger. Your brain is scanning for threats, your body is preparing to protect you, and your mind is producing “what if” thoughts to help you stay safe.
Except there is no real danger.
So your system keeps firing…endlessly.
Why Anxiety Feels So Scary and Out of Control:
People with anxiety and OCD often describe feeling:
Terrified without knowing why
On edge all day
Unable to relax
Ashamed for “not handling it better”
Frustrated that nothing works
You may have tried:
Deep breathing
Meditation apps
Positive thinking
Reassuring yourself
Avoiding triggers
Reading self-help books
Talking it through endlessly
And yet the anxiety keeps coming back.
That’s because anxiety feeds on resistance.
The more you try to get rid of it, the more your nervous system learns:
“This feeling is dangerous…. keep sounding the alarm.”
Why “Calming Down” Makes Anxiety Worse:
One of the cruel ironies of anxiety and OCD is that the harder you try to calm yourself, the worse it gets.
Why?
Because every attempt to:
Push anxiety away
Argue with it
Replace thoughts
Reassure yourself
Distract constantly
sends a powerful message to your brain:
“This feeling must be stopped.”
Your nervous system responds by turning the volume up.
This is why anxiety feels relentless — and why people say:
“I try everything, and nothing helps.”
You’re not failing — you’re doing exactly what anxiety wants you to do.
Why Traditional Talk Therapy Often Doesn’t Work for Anxiety & OCD:
Many people come to therapy already knowing why they’re anxious:
Childhood patterns
Personality traits
Past experiences
Stress levels
Insight can be helpful — but it doesn’t retrain a fear-based nervous system.
For anxiety and OCD, traditional talk therapy can unintentionally:
Encourage rumination
Focus on reassurance
Reinforce avoidance
Keep anxiety as the main focus
This is why many people say:
“I understand my anxiety, but I still feel stuck.”
Anxiety and OCD don’t change through understanding alone.
They change through new experiences with fear.
Why Nothing Works When You’re Fighting Anxiety:
Anxiety survives because of one simple rule:
If this feeling is here, something must be wrong.
So you:
Try to eliminate it
Try to control it
Try to reason with it
And anxiety says:
“Good, I must be important.”
This is why the loop continues.
The solution isn’t more control.
It’s a new relationship with anxiety.
The Counterintuitive Truth: Anxiety Calms When You Stop Fighting It!
This is the part that feels backward and uncomfortable.
Anxiety doesn’t calm down when you try harder.
It calms down when you stop treating it like an emergency.
This doesn’t mean liking anxiety or giving up.
It means learning how to:
Allow sensations
Make room for thoughts
Stop reacting automatically
Choose actions based on values, not fear
This is where Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) and Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) come in.
ACT: Changing Your Relationship With Anxiety:
ACT doesn’t try to eliminate anxiety.
It helps you stop letting anxiety run your life.
ACT teaches:
Acceptance: making space for feelings instead of fighting them
Cognitive defusion: seeing thoughts as thoughts, not truths
Mindfulness: staying present instead of scanning for danger
Values: choosing how you live, even when anxiety is present
Instead of asking:
“How do I get rid of anxiety?”
ACT asks:
“How do I live a meaningful life with anxiety?”
Ironically, when anxiety stops being the enemy, it often loses its power.
Functional Analysis: Understanding Your Anxiety Patterns
We look closely at:
What triggers anxiety
How you respond
What temporarily relieves it
What keeps it going long-term
This helps us identify subtle avoidance and safety behaviors that are reinforcing anxiety, even when they feel helpful.
Awareness leads to choice.
Choice leads to freedom.
ERP: The Gold Standard for OCD & Anxiety
ERP is the most effective treatment for OCD and many anxiety disorders.
ERP helps you:
Face feared thoughts, sensations, or situations
Stop compulsions, reassurance, checking, and avoidance
Teach your nervous system that anxiety is tolerable
Build confidence through experience
ERP is not about forcing fear, it’s about retraining your brain.
Over time, your system learns:
“I can handle uncertainty. I don’t need to react.”
Panic Therapy: Learning You Are Not in Danger
Panic attacks feel terrifying:
Racing heart
Shortness of breath
Dizziness
Fear of losing control
Panic therapy teaches you to:
Stop fearing the sensations
Allow panic to rise and fall
Remove the fear of fear
When panic is no longer treated as dangerous, it loses its intensity.
Why Recovery Is Worth the Effort:
Exposure-based therapy requires:
Time
Emotional effort
Financial investment
But the payoff is enormous:
Freedom from constant fear
Better relationships
Improved focus and enjoyment
A nervous system that can finally rest
Many clients say:
“I didn’t realize how much anxiety was controlling my life until it wasn’t.”
Specialized Anxiety & OCD Therapy in NJ:
At Clear Light Therapy, we specialize in anxiety, OCD, panic, and related conditions for clients in:
Bergen County:
Englewood Cliffs, Tenafly, Ridgewood, Ho-Ho-Kus, Alpine, Saddle River, Upper Saddle River, Franklin Lakes, Haworth, Woodcliff Lake, Englewood, Mahwah, Hackensack
Monmouth County:
Red Bank, Shrewsbury, Rumson, Sea Girt, Fair Haven, Little Silver, Spring Lake, Spring Lake Heights, Allenhurst, Deal, Colts Neck, Oceanport, Holmdel.
We offer:
ACT-based therapy
ERP
CBT
Practical, action-oriented treatment
In-person and virtual sessions across New Jersey.
You Are Not Weak, You’ve Been Using the Wrong Tools!
Anxiety feels overwhelming because you’ve been taught to fight it.
OCD feels relentless because reassurance keeps feeding it.
Recovery doesn’t come from control.
It comes from acceptance, courage, and new experiences.
You don’t need to calm down to live your life.
You need to learn that anxiety doesn’t get to decide for you.
And that is possible, with the right help. Reach out and start today! Free consultation call!
