Relational Frame Theory and ACT: Why Avoiding Anxiety Makes It Worse (and What Actually Helps)
If you’ve ever tried to push away anxiety, numb sadness, or distract yourself from uncomfortable emotions, you’re not alone. Most people spend years trying to “get rid” of difficult feelings but according to Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), those avoidance strategies often make anxiety and depression stronger.
This blog will explain:
What Relational Frame Theory (RFT) is and how it underlies ACT
Why avoiding feelings increases anxiety and depression
How ACT therapists use these principles to help clients
Whether coping skills are “good” or “bad” in ACT
Why learning to sit with your feelings is essential for long-term healing
Research supporting ACT and psychological flexibility
What Is Relational Frame Theory (RFT)?
Relational Frame Theory is the behavioral science that explains how humans learn through language and relationships between ideas. Because of language, we can link thoughts, sensations, and memories in complex ways — even if the connections aren’t logically true.
For example:
A racing heart becomes linked to “I’m in danger.”
Feeling sad becomes “I’m not strong enough.”
A thought like “I might fail” turns into “I should avoid trying.”
RFT explains how normal thoughts can spiral into anxiety, shame, or depression when we become fused with these internal stories.
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy was built on RFT, offering strategies to change your relationship with your thoughts and emotions rather than trying to eliminate them.
Why Avoidance Makes Anxiety and Depression Worse
One of ACT’s core teachings is that trying to control or avoid internal experiences usually increases suffering, a pattern called experiential avoidance.
Research shows:
Avoidance offers quick relief but increases symptoms over time
Suppressing thoughts makes them more frequent
Avoiding anxiety-producing situations shrinks your world and worsens anxiety
Trying to fight your emotions heightens physiological arousal
Studies have consistently demonstrated that the struggle with emotions — not the emotions themselves — predicts long-term distress.
(Hayes et al., 2006; Twohig & Levin, 2017)
In ACT, the goal is not to eliminate uncomfortable feelings, but to reduce the struggle with them so they lose their power over your life.
How ACT Therapists Use This Approach in Treatment
ACT therapists help clients build psychological flexibility, the ability to stay present, allow emotions, and choose actions based on values rather than fear.
Therapy includes:
1. Acceptance
Learning to make space for emotions instead of fighting them.
This reduces the “secondary suffering” created by resistance.
2. Cognitive Defusion
Noticing thoughts as mental events — not truths, threats, or commands.
Example: “I’m having the thought that I can’t handle this.”
3. Present-Moment Awareness (Mindfulness)
Grounding clients in what’s happening now instead of old stories or future fears.
4. Values Work
Identifying what truly matters (relationships, growth, authenticity, parenting, health) and using those values as motivation.
5. Committed Action
Taking small, meaningful steps toward a fulfilling life, even when anxiety or depression are present.
A powerful part of ACT is that you move your life forward without waiting for anxiety to disappear.
Are Coping Skills “Bad” According to ACT?
ACT does not reject coping skills — but it evaluates them based on function, not form.
Helpful coping skills in ACT include:
Mindful breathing
Grounding practices
Noticing and naming emotions
Watching thoughts pass like clouds
These are used to support willingness, presence, and acceptance — not to “make feelings go away.”
Coping becomes unhelpful when:
The goal is emotional control
You use coping to suppress or avoid feelings
You rely on distraction to escape discomfort
You try to “calm down” instead of accepting the feeling
In these cases, coping can unintentionally reinforce the belief that feelings are dangerous, which increases long-term anxiety.
Why Learning to Sit With Your Feelings Is Essential
ACT teaches that emotions must be felt to be healed.
Here’s why sitting with your feelings matters:
1. Feelings are temporary—resistance makes them last longer.
Research shows that emotions naturally rise, peak, and fall when not suppressed.
2. Emotions regulate when you stop fighting them.
Allowing sensations to exist reduces physiological arousal.
3. Sitting with feelings builds resilience.
You learn, “I can feel this and still be okay.”
4. Acceptance creates space for valued action.
Instead of reacting automatically, you choose from clarity and intention.
5. You stop organizing your life around fear.
Avoidance keeps your world small. Acceptance expands your life.
What the Research Says About ACT
ACT is one of the most researched therapy models in the world, with over 900 peer-reviewed studies.
Key findings:
ACT is effective for anxiety, depression, OCD, trauma, and chronic stress
(Hayes et al., 2006; A-Tjak et al., 2015)Increased psychological flexibility is the primary driver of improvement
Acceptance outperforms suppression in reducing long-term distress
ACT-based exposure improves tolerance of anxiety without increasing symptoms
The consistent theme:
The more willing you are to feel your feelings, the less control they have over your life.
Final Thoughts: Healing Comes From Acceptance, Not Avoidance
Relational Frame Theory explains why humans get tangled in their thoughts, and ACT offers a powerful way out. Instead of avoiding discomfort, which only makes anxiety and depression worse, ACT teaches people to open up to their internal experiences while moving toward lives grounded in clarity, meaning, and values.
If you struggle with anxiety, depression, or emotional avoidance, ACT offers a compassionate, research-supported path toward real change.
