OCD and Shame.. Why are they so connected?
OCD, or obsessive-compulsive disorder, impacts people by creating unwanted and intrusive thoughts that cause a lot of stress and anxiety. To try and get rid of that anxiety, a person with OCD does compulsions. Compulsions can look like hand washing, asking a friend for reassurance, googling something to “make sure,” or double-checking over and over.
For many people, the part of OCD that hurts the most isn’t just the thoughts or the behaviors…it’s the shame that comes with it.
Why Shame Shows Up in OCD
Shame often shows up with OCD because of the kinds of thoughts people have. Intrusive thoughts can feel disturbing or “bad,” even though everyone gets them. The difference is that for someone with OCD, the brain gets stuck and can’t just brush the thought off. This can lead to a lot of self-judgment, “What kind of person thinks like this?”
Another reason shame is so strong is the belief that people “should” be able to control their thoughts or stop their compulsions. When someone can’t, it can feel like a personal weakness, even though it’s not. OCD is a disorder, not a character flaw.
And because OCD is so misunderstood in our culture (most people think it’s only about cleaning or organizing), people with OCD often hide what they’re going through. That isolation makes the shame even stronger.
How Shame Makes OCD Worse
The cycle looks like this: intrusive thoughts → anxiety → compulsions → shame. Then the shame feeds back into the OCD. People feel embarrassed about what they’re experiencing, so they hide it, which makes them feel more alone and stuck. Shame can even keep people from reaching out for help, which allows OCD to take up more space in their life.
Breaking Free from Shame
The good news is that shame doesn’t have to keep running the show. A few ways people can start to heal:
Learn the facts about OCD. Understanding that intrusive thoughts are a symptom of the disorder. They are not a reflection of who you are, can take away some of the guilt.
Therapy that targets both OCD and shame. ERP (Exposure and Response Prevention) helps break the anxiety-compulsion cycle. ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy) helps you see thoughts for what they are instead of fusing with them. Compassion-focused therapy can directly help with feelings of shame.
Practice self-compassion. Instead of beating yourself up for your thoughts, practice noticing them without judgment. You can remind yourself: “This is an OCD thought, not me.”
Find support. Talking with others who have OCD, whether in therapy or a support group, helps normalize the experience and reduce isolation.
Final Thoughts
If you live with OCD, chances are you’ve also carried shame. But shame doesn’t mean anything about who you are, it’s just another layer of the disorder. OCD is treatable, and part of healing is learning that your thoughts do not define you.
If you find that shame and OCD are taking over your life, reaching out for help is not weakness…t’s actually the bravest step you can take.
